When People Ask THE Question

We’ve all done it – asked that question.  The seemingly innocent question that we expect to have a short, simple answer but instead leads to an unexpected story.  Being visibly pregnant I am often asked the simple question: “Is this your first?”.  The short answer is no – and depending on the situation, sometimes my answer ends there.  But if the conversation continues, inevitably I am asked a question about my first born.  That question doesn’t always get a short answer.  Sometimes I answer simply “He passed away” or explain that he was born with Trisomy 18 and spent only a few short hours with us.  Sometimes I tell the story of my pregnancy and my journey through joy and grief.  I have encountered many different reactions.  Some people are immediately sorry that they asked – I reassure them, telling them I am happy to share my story because even though it has been a difficult journey, it has been filled with joyous moments.  Sometimes I am the one who hears the unexpected response to my story, as someone else shares their story of loss with me.

Throughout my journey I am continually reminded that everyone has a story.  Like life itself, our stories are comedies, tragedies and everything in between.  Sometimes these stories are buried under layers of protection, deflection or nonchalantness but they are always there.  And sometimes that seemingly innocent question has a much longer answer than you anticipate.  I encourage people to keep asking the questions and keep listening to the answers because sharing our stories is what connects us.  In the past I struggled with how to answer questions about my family, but if you ask me today about my children I will readily tell you I have one in heaven and one in my belly that I look forward to welcoming into the world shortly.